Tuesday, April 20, 2004

111 Beats Per Minute

That was where Nemo's heartbeat stood when we were at the hospital on Saturday night. Perfectly normal, apparently. I feel okay, the baby's fine, but the point that joins us is not. I'm getting plenty of rest as I try to will my child to stay alive. I'm writing this in bed, and Lee's transcribing it onto my blog. I have a doctor's appointment in 2 hours. I'm praying they still find a heartbeat.


I can't believe the level of support Lee and I have received. Emails are pouring in from all over the country. Thank you to everyone for their support, stories, and prayers.

Not Again

This is my second threatened miscarriage. The first ended in a total loss of the pregnancy. Six weeks later I fell pregnant with my beautiful daughter, Cassandra. She's 13 now. I then went on to carry Aiden and Blake, now 11 and 9. This is my fifth pregnancy. It's likely to be my last. I don't think I can go through this again, with another one. Every time I find evidence the threat is diminishing, I feel hopeful, but then something happens (pain, bleeding...) and grief strikes anew. I'm on a carousel, with my emotions constantly riding up and down as we go round.

As I write this I feel a fluttering in my stomach. I know it's too early for movement, but I like to think it's Nemo communicating his/her will to live.

All My Children

As you may or may not be aware, my ex-husband is trying to take my 3 biological children away from me. I gave them to him for a 3 month trial period because the children were changing their minds constantly about who they wanted to live with. Jon wants to take me to court. I'm fighting to keep all my children with me at the moment. I'm a natural-born mother: it's what I love most in the world. Writing is important to me, but family means so much more. I feel that if I lose the baby, then I lose the whole battle.


Our week in Brisbane was... eventful. Lunch with Geoff and Diana Maloney; dinner with Robert Hoge and Kate Eltham; another with Robert, Kate, Scott, Chris, and Jason from the Vision writing group; the museum; restaurants; markets, the hospital...

It has to be said: the best service we received was at St Andrews Hospital. The staff were brilliant.

I'll talk more about my holiday as I recover.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Long time, no see

Here we are in sunny Queensland. Swancon is over and now we're biding our time until Conflux. Lee and I were looking forward to catching up with our friends, attending room parties and having a few drinks.

Oh, we caught up with our friends all right, and we even ducked our head into two room parties, but drinking??? Out of the question! I couldn't due to being pregnant and Lee wouldn't because he's being all Martian about supporting me during this time.

Swancon was still fun, but I have to admit, I found it all rather wearisome. I was constantly tired and suffered a little nausea.


So as Lee mentioned in one of his previous posts, I'm expecting. The baby is due in November. We're very excited but rather stunned. Only a few weeks ago my doctor informed me that pregnancy was pretty much a non-happening thing. I've been too sick and my body was in no condition to conceive. Ooookaaaay.

We worked out it happened while we were in Albany. I'm happy about this due to the fact that I loved Albany and felt very at home there. Ironically, while we were there I bought a necklace for myself that carries the Japanese symbol for 'Life' on it. Very appropriate.

Off for another day of Queensland sunshine now.

Have a lovely day. Thinking of you all and missing most of you heaps.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Shopping shopping shopping

I went shopping for new jeans the other night. Came home with three black and one denim mini-skirt from Myer. And some new pretty underwear from Target. And some jewellery from Kleins. Then I tried a different shop because I thought I'd like a new dress for the con. I found the PERFECT top. Very sixties, very cool. I thought "If I don't have this I will die." Then I looked at the price. $50! Now, considering the total cost of my four Myer skirts came to $57 I really couldn't justify it. So I decided "We all have to die sometime" and kept browsing. And found the most delicious bag. It's sort of a thirties style number with a Wizard of Oz scene on it picked out in diamentes. Also $50. I thought "Okay I won't die if I don't have it, but I will be terribly sick." I left for home.

After depositing all my purchases for Lee to view.

"Did you actually end up buying jeans?" came the bemused response.
"Uh, no. I gave up when I knew I wasn't going to be long for this world anyway."
He listened to my tale of woe, handed over $100 and said, "I couldn't bear it if you died for want of clothing and accessories."

God I love this man :)

I'm now the extremely happy owner of the coolest t-shirt and funkiest bag in Perth.

Oh, and a pair of jeans.

But wait, there's more

Went shopping for my daughter's 13th birthday prezzie yesterday. (Those that know me well realise that going shopping for one thing and coming home with another is a common theme.) Once again I found that one item that I just HAD to have. Once again I had Lee's full support, even though I'm only likely to wear it once and not for another year.

Yes! I found my WEDDING DRESS!!!!!!! It's beautiful, it's classic and it made me feel like a real bride. And the price was unbelieveable. Nowhere near the $1000 we'd budgeted. I also brought the necklance and earrings to go with it. I skipped through the streets of Perth, saying "I've got my wedding dress."

I'm a very happy fiancee.


5 days to Swancon. In the meantime we're busy with kids this weekend, picnic with friends today, showbag stuffing with Calli and John tomorrow, dinner with my bro and his wife tomorrow night (they've just found out they're having a girl), staff meeting Monday, Casi's birthday Tuesday, hair cuts on Wednesday, Blake's assembly Thursday followed by tattoos and then Swancon. Then panels panels panels.


I sent two stories out this week. Memory of Breathing is on its way to F&SF while The Hanging Tree winged its way through cyberspace to land on one of the Borderlands staff's desktop. Here's hoping.

Gotta go. Off to have a coffee at Dome.

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