Thursday, September 30, 2004
I'm now pregnancy-magazined out. I've read about 17 of the bloody things this week. During this time I've read about a gazillion articles on conception (seem to have ironed that one out ages ago thanks), the baby's development week by week, appropriate foods in pregnancy (chocolate makes your baby smarter. Kahlua unfortunately doesn't), pre-labour (a stage that lasts several weeks and yes! I seem to be showing 4 of the 5 symptoms), labour (omigawd!!!! Thank god for the articles on pain relief. Have that epidural primed Mr Doctor Sir), bringing baby home, sibling rivalry (I'm really only worried about Blake and Erin in this regard. Casi won't care and Aiden will be all over his little brother) and how soon sex can resume (opinions vary, but it's 4 weeks as memory serves). I've also read about toilet training, getting your toddler to sleep through the night and how to deal with head lice.
This evening I had a bath that lasted one and a quarter hours. This gave me enough time to read an entire mag. At the end of it I threw it on the floor and vowed to find something new to read.
So tomorrow I'm digging out the Bridal magazines. Well, I do have my hair to consider.
I have an assignment to finish this week. 730 of the 1600 words are written. I have another Terminator movie to watch and about 13 books to wade through. These deal with feminist issues from the 16th - 21st century and material criticism. If anyone has opinions about Sarah Connor that they think pertinent to my assignment (the notion of cross-dressing in both The Merchant of Venice and the three Terminator movies) I'd like to hear them. I'm talking (ranting) about how women have to defeminise themselves in order to make it in a man's world.
I've promised myself a writing day tomorrow during which I hope to have the first draft of the assignment finished and another 500 words on my novel written. I also want to finish writing my application for the KSP residency.
I set myself a goal last week of 500 words on Josie and another this week of 1000. On Sunday (the day the old week finishes and the new begins) I wrote over 1500 so I'm feeling pretty good already, but would like to see another 500 written before week's end. I'm writer-nesting.
On a less serious note
Battboy's offered to make me a t-shirt for Wasteland with "Writer in Residence" written on it and an arrow pointing to my tummy. Want to get a start on that next week.
Okay, well that'll see me right for the next few days. Off now to watch some TV. Battboy and I have a strict viewing schedule. Dr Who, followed by Neighbours (I am pregnant!!!!) and Frazier. A break of two hours then on Mondays and Tuesdays we have The NEW Practice and Wednesday has Forensic Investigators. That's it. Nothing else unless its a particularly good doco or something arthousy on SBS.
Have a great day.
Oh, on a cute note.
Aiden actually saw my stomach jumping around this afternoon. It blew his mind.
And Blake has joined his two of his three siblings in talking to Connor through my stomach. Casi remains resistant. Her choice. She did however kiss my tummy last week.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
I've officially reached the stage where I've had enough. I'm so big I can't get comfortable and just turning over in bed causes me a lot of pain. There's so much I want to do to get ready for the baby, but I'm getting tired out easily.
Battboy and I are trying to organise rooms at the moment. Up until last night we'd decided to move the two bunk beds in together and give Connor a room to himself. We broke the news to the kids and gave them orders to prepare for a sharing lifestyle (first letting them know it would only be a temporary solution until we moved). With only (very) minor grumbling they got into it, cleaning up and putting everything into 3 piles, those things they must have with them, those that can go into storage and junk for the bin. The three oldest did exactly as they were asked and we were most impressed with their maturity. Last night in bed Lee and I chatted about the situation and decided to find another option. We don't want the kids thinking they come second place to the baby and I certainly don't want my three to feel they're little more than visitors. After getting them to finish the cleaning process this afternoon I told them that we'd changed our minds and why. Connor is coming into our room and the two kids' rooms stay as they are (albeit somewhat cleaner. We weren't completely stupid :)) So the boys have just helped me move my cupboards around so Battboy and I can put the various baby paraphernalia away. The bassinette will be picked up from my brother's house on the weekend and I can get into some serious nesting.
Sent three stories out to the KSP Short Story Competition this week as well as 2 stories out to publishers. I've done a lot of business although not a lot of writing. I have an idea based on a dream I had the other night but am still in the mental 'teasing out' stage. My mind is also on my next assignment which is due in 3 weeks. I'm doing a comparison of the Merchant of Venice with the three Terminator movies. This isn't as difficult as it sounds.
Like the house, I'm seriously organising my writing life. I want all current works to be out before the baby arrives to disrupt my writah-dahling lifestyle.
Last weekend's Bad Movie Night hit a new low. We watched "Lair of the White Worm" and it was truly awful. We loved it. I made a vegetable casserole, Callisto brought over a pasta bake and Ju brought peaches and custard. We always have a lot of fun and the evening tends to wind down about 10:30ish which suits my pregnant self. Connor graced both Ju and Calli with movement they could feel.
I've taken up pool walking this week. I feel the need to exercise, but as mentioned, my added bulk is making it rather difficult, so I've started going down to the local swimming pools and using their walking lanes. I do about 2kms in about 90 minutes and really enjoy it. I had terrible backache on Sunday so Lee dropped me off at the pool on his way to taking the boys to Tae Kwon Do. I did my laps and felt heaps better after it. Not totally recovered, but more comfortable. Calli, Ju and I repeated the experience on Tuesday at the Terry Tyzack Centre which was nice too, although the TTC lanes actually descend downwards so we could only travel 3/4 of a lap before it become too deep for those of us with Duck's Disease. On Wednesday Battboy and I took Erin down to Bayswater for more walking. We took it in turns to hold Erin as we lapped which was really nice as a family bonding exercise. I know all this walking isn't going to help me lose weight but it has improved my body image.
Have a nice weekend. Be happy.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Ten years ago today I gave birth to my little boy Blake Henry Triffitt. While he is still teensy, he's no longer a baby.
Ten years ago I looked at my tiny little bundle and thought "A boy? He can't be a boy. I was going to have a girl." I'd just spent the previous 4 hours of my labour encouraging "Kayla" along (we still hadn't come to an agreement for her middle name, but I wanted Genevieve). I'd been so certain I was carrying a girl that I told Jon he could choose any name he liked for a boy. Fortunately I love the name Blake (named after Blake's 7) and I can live with Henry as a middle name (family name on my father-in-law's side).
Blake is an amazing child, yet was never meant to be. After we had Aiden, Jon decided to have a vasectomy. I was somewhat okay with this. I wanted another baby but knew Jon was dead against it. 6 months later we found out it hadn't worked and that we were going to be parents again. I cried with joy, Jon ran down to the AMA to find out how it could have happened. We both adjusted and after a couple of weeks were totally fine with the idea. Blake is a happy, carefree and extremely loving child and has brought a lot of happiness to both our lives. Jon quickly bonded with Blake and I'd say out of the three children, Blake is the one he's closest to.
I've been blessed with my kids and I love them all hugely. So on this day I'd like to shout:
"Happy Birthday Blakey Boy!!!!!!!!!"
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Spring is here. This is my proof.
- I was zapped everytime I opened the car door this morning. It's a me vs Demeter thing.
- Today I woke up with the need to rip the weeds out of the garden and replace them with a new crop of flowers. Now, everyone who knows me well knows that I am the floral equivalent of Ted Bundy. Every year I race out, buy new plants and then spend the next few weeks slowly killing them. Yes, I'm a serial killer. I think there's a story in that :) I've done the ripping out thing (which included the disposing of last year's bodies), but with Blake's birthday this week, the bulk plant buying will have to wait (did I just hear the sound of azaleas breathing a collective sigh of relief?). Battboy and I did buy a pot of flowers this week for the garden. They now come with a very sad story attached to them. I will talk further about this later.
- I also woke up with the mad urge to clean. As a result the ceiling fan is white again, the bathroom has lost its lovely green patches (mould seems to be one plant I can't kill) and Erin's car seat is resting in Napisan. Tomorrow it will be rinsed, dried and reassembled, ready for Connor. Lee, who is putting this last piece of proof down to rampant pregnancy hormones, is leaving me to it.
- I want to move house. Suburb. State. We're settling on moving the rooms around instead. We eventually want to build a house, but for now are content to rent. I like the house we have but it's too small and is about to get smaller. Back in the early days when my ex and I could actually speak civilly to each other, I told him about a house that would be perfect for him and the kids. Now I regret my attempts at niceness. I want that house. Anyway, I have a good landlord. I rarely see him and in the fourteen months we've been here, we've never had an inspection.
Back to reality
Battboy's residency is over. He starts a two week practicum at Morley High School this week. A friend of ours is a teacher there and has offered to mentor Lee during this time. Did I mention my daughter Casi goes to Morley. Is she impressed? Not at all, although she's pretending to be all cool about it. The boys on the other hand are begging him to teach at their school. I don't think they get the whole "I have higher expectations of you" thing.
I'm so proud of Lee. He accomplished over 50,000 words on his novel during his time at the centre and has come back full of zeal for not only his work but mine as well. My own output has picked up lately as a result.
The other upside of all this has come from the centre itself. I've had two KSP insiders making whispers in my general direction about applying. They're both telling me I should, baby and all. It would be nice, but I'm not sure. There's a lot to think about. For example, I'd actually need to work on a novel during that time. Big responsibility.
I'm hitting 28 weeks this week. Traditionally I pack my bags at this time. I have the kids next weekend. I thought it'd be nice to make a family thing of it with everyone pitching in to help and with each child giving me something to take in with me. I've decided on a definite date to give birth (if the curry, walk, reflexology and pineapple juice don't work) so I have ten weeks to get out a bunch of stories before my boy arrives.
Okay, back to work. So much to do, so little time. Okay, the cleaning thing could be nesting after all. I realised I was going into labour with Aiden when I felt the mad desire to iron all Jon's shirts for the week. Fortunately I did that on the day rather than starting 10 weeks before hand.
Have a brilliant week.
Friday, September 03, 2004
- I'm not fat
- I've signed my children away
- Sometimes you can be too upset to cry
I'm not fat
I've been really concerned about how big I'm getting. Every time someone asks how long I have to go and I answer, an incredulous look crosses their face. "Oh, that's ages yet," they invariably reply. I eat a pretty healthy diet and exercise when I can, but this past week I decided to put myself and Battboy on a diet using Slimming magazine as a kilojoule/nutritional guide. I have a pretty low body image and being pregnant really doesn't help. I used to be engaged to a man who was very negative about my weight. I ended up with an eating disorder, only allowing 25 Burger Rings into my day and exercising like a, well, mad exercising thing. My weight plummetted from 51 kilograms to 40. I fainted at work and woke up to myself, dumped the fiance and sorted myself out. But the constant feeling of hugeness has 'fed' straight into my insecurities.
We had a hospital appointment last week. While the doctor made the usual comment about my stomach height (normal for a 29 week pregnancy. I'm 26 weeks), she pointed out that my weight gain is dead on target. I've put on 9 kilos which is right for this point. I have 12 weeks to go which means I'll end up with about a 12-14 kilo weight gain. Fantastic! I don't feel so awful now. Well, not about that anyway. I even took the Battbrat out this morning and treated myself to a skim-milk hot chocolate and Erin to a Babycino. We were a very happy pair.
I've signed my children away
Last night I admitted defeat and signed an agreement pretty much giving Casi, Aiden and Blake over to Jon. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Casi and Blake have decided to live with their dad, but Aiden was adamant that he wanted to live with me. Unfortunately it seems that his wishes mean nothing. He wants his mum and is depressed. He feels helpless and neglected and there's nothing I can do.
I still get to see the kids every second weekend and after school on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I just make sure we have a fantastic time when we're together. My kids are everything to me and Jon has figured out the perfect way to make me pay for leaving him.
Sometimes you can be too upset to cry
When Azaria Chamberlain went missing in 1981 (80?) the world pointed the finger at Lindy and announced her guilty. Why? Because she never cried.
Last night I learnt you can be too upset to cry. I want to cry over the loss of my children, but I can't.
And now for something positive.
I finished general editing "Return to Civvie Street" yesterday. Now it goes through two line edits (first mine and then Battboy's) then out.
Lee and I are pretty positive that we can spot each other's writing style. We're also starting to wonder if our love for each other makes us careful of being too critical of each other. We've decided to test each other. We're going to send work out to each other's markets and see what happens.
The problem? Every time we start a new project, we get very excited and feel the need to tell each other the plot, the characters, the setting, everything. Lee started a new story the other day. I think he thought he could get away with passing it by me, until he realised. He used a piece of information I'd given him about my marriage. While it's very minor it's also very personal and I would have recognised it straight away. So he told me about the story and how he'd used this information. I was fine with it. I think it's funny and don't mind at all.
Well, I'm supposed to be working, so I'll get back to it. Have a wonderful weekend.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
After a couple of days uncertainty, Battboy and I went off to Splanky's birthday bash on Saturday night. We stayed for two hours before pregnancy tiredness and eau-de-cat caught up with me. We weren't going to go (due to illness, constant fatigue etc), but finally it dawned on us that we were CHILD FREE and this was exactly the sort of thing we like doing but can't when the rugrats are all with us.
It was great catching up with people. My tummy was nice and shiny by the time everyone had had a turn stroking it :) I wore a very figure hugging dress and a jacket. I felt pregnant and happy to show it.
After deciding on a lazy day on Sunday we packed ourselves up and visited my brother and his wife. Okay, we really went to visit our new niece, we can't deny it. At four weeks old, she's gorgeous. She has a shock of long blonde hair and a tiny little mouth. I had first hold and Uncle Lee took second. And third. And fourth. In the end we had to pry Grace from his hands. Donna was desperate to get out of the house so Battboy and I drove her to Canningvale Markets for a couple of hours while Raymond performed Daddy-duty. It's so amazing to look at Grace and think that in about 12 weeks we'll be holding our own baby in our arms.
Speaking of which...
I'm now 26 weeks now. I've set a date for induction (28th November) although have informed all and sundry that there will be a huge curry night on the 26th. The happy daddy and I have been reading up on how to bring a baby on naturally. We've learnt about curry (hot), pineapple juice (freshly squeezed) and walking. And of course, there's sex (see curry). Isn't that what got us into this situation in the first place? Also: Who decided that it's unnatural for a pregnant woman to be walking around an Adultshop store? Generally my beautiful belly goes unnoticed by the general public except in two situations, uni and Barbarella's. Stepping into either of these places illicits a lot of staring. Go figure.
Anyway, lots of curry and walking and pineapple juice that day. Don't try and mental image anything else :)
Sent out two stories yesterday. Simeon the Monkey went to Ideomancer while Still I Dance Under A Vengeful Moon went to Strange Horizons. I'm hopeful.
Time for dinner. Have a nice week.